Bob Firth-Tessier
The long way to I.M.L.

When I first met Bob Firth-Tessier, newly elected Mr. Montréal Leather (MCM), I was impressed as many others by his charisma, an aura hard to define. Interviewing him, I came to understand what charisma is about: a mixture of shyness (or is it modesty?) and intelligence, of kindness and irradiating inner strength.

From his hometown of Cochrane in Northern Ontario to Montréal, through Halifax where he was het-married and then came out, this proud representative of Montréal’s leather community has come a long way.

Even though he was born after homosexuality was decriminalized in Canada (he will celebrate his 37th anniversary during IML’s kick-off on May 22nd), it was not that obvious to discover his homosexuality in the late 80s when raised in Northern Ontario and then back in Abitibi when his parents separated. ‘Even though I had my first gay affair when I was 15, I was confused for a long time. I wanted to have children and I knew it would only be possible for me in a heterosexual relationship. The mother of my children is the first person I was really attracted to. I was 24 and we got married 3 years later. She already had a daughter and we have had two sons and a daughter of our own. But I quickly realized that the ideal of a cottage with a white fence, a carport and 2 and a half kids was not for me! I was unhappy in that lifestyle. I knew I was repressing my fantasies.’ He explains.

‘As soon as I came out, I wanted the world to know I’m gay. I became an activist getting involved in Halifax Pride where I was living at the time. Within a year, I became co-chair of Pride there. When I moved to Montréal in 2001, I got involved in the BBCM Foundation where I was a volunteer coordinator for 5 editions of the Black & Blue Party, an AIDS-benefit. I came to discover the world of circuit parties from an organizer’s point of view. I also came to realize that I had a ‘harder’ sexuality. I love manly men, the manliness associated with leather, testosterone.’

From there he got involved in the leather scene
‘Getting into the leather family has been a work in progress. I was first attracted by the perfume of leather. I had my first boyfriend in the leather community 4 days after I separated while I was still in Halifax! Does he confess laughing!

‘ But I didn’t play ‘hard’ at the time. Getting into the scene, I liked the fact that playing in the leather community is more sexual, rougher. You experience sensations that you don’t have in the day to day life. Connections are very strong and based on trust. ‘Meeting my partner Denis during that period, I came to discover through him the world of domination, of leather, and the universe of dungeons with which he was familiar for years. After playing tag for a while, we decided during a long travel together to enter into a relationship.

Exploring the spectrum
‘I feel it’s very important to live your sexuality fully. He introduced me to bringing my sexuality to a new stage. It was a bit frightening, but Master Serge at Donjon Lachenaie taught me a lot, making me to discover the pleasure of fisting, its anatomy and how to practice it safely.’

And he loved it!

‘I found in that scene no barrier in the quest for pleasure and also healthy sexual relationship where people are willing to explore their limits. Which is very important! When I got into fisting, I was afraid of injuries. But I have been well coached by people I could trust. It is very important to talk, to say the real things and to expand exploring new limits. Sexual relationships are a spectrum and as you progress in a sexual relationship, you move somewhere in that spectrum. It’s all about trust!’

And he feels the same about SM. ‘You’re playing into pain. You’re getting pleasures that are quite exceptional where the relationship between tops and bottoms, masters and slaves has also to be based on trust.’ How was it to get into the scene being a gay father?

‘Since I moved to Montréal, my children have been under their mother’s custody. But when they visited me during the year, we are not hiding the St. Andrew cross! The love relationship between Denis and I was totally acceptable. My older daughter has always known I was gay since I separated. My younger son and daughter have come to discover it naturally.

‘For sure, being a single parent limits your sexuality. Now that I live here, I have been able to open the doors freeing a sexuality that I had repressed for 30 years. For sure, I went through unhealthy phases in the process, but today I am more balanced in a gay relationship than I have ever been. My two feet are solidly on the ground. And this is because you are true to yourself, honest with others.’

On the road to IML
Since he has been elected Mr. Montréal Leather in February, Bob has been very busy getting ready for the International Mister Leather (IML) competition. After the election of Bo Ladashevska as IML titleholder in 2006, it would be deceiving to pretend there is no expectation facing MCM 2008.

‘I think I have good chances. I have met the contestants and judges at Mid-Atlantic Leather and Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend and I think I made a good impression. I approach this competition as I would for a job interview. I have quite some experience in the scene, as an organizer and at various levels. So, like for a job, you fit in or you don’t!’

In a local leather community that has been going through a lot of turmoil over the last years, Bob has a lot of projects he would like to realize during his mandate. He feels he has had quite limited possibilities to realize them so far getting ready for IML.

‘I think there is a lack of leadership in the Montréal leather community. Somebody needs to take the lead. I do not pretend to be that person. There is so much politics involved in everything. I think a lot of clubs have disappeared because of the rigidity of their organizations. People no more want to be dictated what to do. In the Légende Urbaine organization I belong to, we got rid of the hierarchy. We have men and women as members, gays, hets, bis. We exist to demystify the leather scene, not to refrain it. Since the Quiet Revolution, Québec society has been getting rid of all carcans.’, he asserts trying to explain the difficulties facing the leather community in the metropolis.

Quite at ease as a leatherman, he naturally opposes and argues with critics in society as much as in the GLBT community who claim that leathermen and women live an inappropriate lifestyle or damage the ‘image’ of the community.

‘We will be celebrating next year the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Leathermen and drag queens, transvestites (often targeted by critics) were in the forefront of our liberation. There is space for all currents in our community that have made a contribution to that process,’ he replies as most Pride organizers would do.

My approach is that we have to be who we are. And we are not a freak show! We have to explain what it is. There is so much ignorance. A few years ago, Denis and I have been in the mainstream press kissing during Pride: Wow! Two leathermen kissing. Leathermen can be tender!

‘Québec society is a very open society. The Quiet Revolution having weakened the influence of religion and has made people more willing to accept differences. And there are sexual differences. A lot of people in the LGBT community want to live their sexuality similar to the heterosexuals. But people like me who came out later in their lives are not ready to set as many barriers.

‘It’s like in the gay marriage issue. I agree that we should have equal rights that have to be protected. But I would have preferred to abolish the concept of marriage that enslaves one person to another. I can’t identify with this. We have to re-examine this…

I have to admit I love to challenge, to debate ideas’ does he explain calmly smiling. Challenging the most traditional values of our civilization with a smile: I now understand what charisma is all about!